


He Almost Said It

by FeralSnufkin



Series: I Ache [1]
Category: Mumintroll | Moomins Series - Tove Jansson
Genre: Everything Hurts, Light Angst, M/M, Moomin is clueless, Seashells, Snufkin Angst, The Author Regrets Everything
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-19
Updated: 2019-05-19
Packaged: 2020-03-08 05:59:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,161
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18888589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FeralSnufkin/pseuds/FeralSnufkin
Summary: Moomin loves his new shell. Snufkin loves Moomin. Moomin doesn't know. Snufkin can't bring himself to tell him.





	He Almost Said It

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you Jamie Wolley for inspiring me to write this series. 
> 
> You can find her here: @JamieWoolleyArt and JamieWoolleyArt.com/boards.  
> You can find the video that inspired this all here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q1i0pMCmN7k

"The sky looks beautiful today." Moomin said. His soft white feet knocked against the side of the cliff. 

Snufkin didn't answer him. He didn't need to. Nature was always beautiful. He was leaned back in the grass on the edge of the hill. His eyes followed a lonely cloud as it floated off to sea. He liked to watch them. Clouds didn’t try to fill the silence with unnecessary dialogues. No, clouds were clouds and they did what came naturally to them. Snufkin respected that even if people gave him odd looks when he tried to explain it.

"Do you ever wish you were a cloud, Snuf?" 

Snufkin looked over. "That's a funny question to ask. I don't think being a cloud would be all that fun." 

Moomin shrugged. "They get to go wherever they want. They don't have to worry about anything. All they have to do is let out rain and travel the world." 

"I guess that's one way of thinking about it." Snufkin answered. Moomin's tail swayed back and forth and he caught it before it could hit his nose. He looked up at the cloud again as the tail curled around his wrist. "I'd rather be the sky. Everywhere, seeing everything." 

Moomin thought about it hard. He always took everything he said so seriously. He always chose his words carefully because he knew Moomin would dissect them. He treated every word that Snufkin said as if it was the most important thing in the world. 

Snufkin smiled, fondly. He played with the end of Moomin's tail wrapped around his wrist.

Moomin jumped. "Sorry." He uncurled his tail. 

Snufkin curled into himself against Moomin's side. A soft hand scratched against Snufkin's scalp. He knew he was purring when Moomin started to giggle. He stifled the sound.

Something shiny reflected into Snufkin's eye and he leaned his head up. "What's that?" He gestured to something at Moomin's side. 

Moomin held up a heart shaped sea shell. It was a beautiful warm pink. It reminded Snufkin of the color Moomin's face turned when he was embarrassed. 

"Snork maiden gave it to me." Moomin's hand left Snufkin's hair. He turned the shell over in his hands. 

He curled into Moomin's side again. Snufkin hadn't noticed at first but Moomin's presence always seemed to calm him. Sometimes his anxiety would leave his skin feeling too tight but Moomin was soothing. He didn't always understand Snufkin but he respected his ways. Moomin often tried to fill the silence between them but in the moments when he realized Snufkin needed to think, he fell quiet. Moomin’s presence was as close to his heart as his harmonica- playing a song as warm as the Spring.

In his musing, Snufkin missed Moomin's explanation of the shell. "What?" He said. 

Moomin pouted. "I knew you weren't listening. I said it's the only one on the beach like it." Moomin went on. “Snorkmaiden searched for hours for it. It was really nice of her. It's so pretty.”

Snufkin nodded. He didn't really see the appeal of keeping sea shells. They were meant to stay on the beach for everyone to enjoy. But he did like the one that Moomin had. He stared at the heart with growing distain. His tongue weighed a pound in his mouth. 

It was a beautiful shell. Snorkmaiden was a beautiful girl. Snufkin liked her, he really did. She was kind in her own way. A little vain but most people were. He didn’t understand her love for material things but he didn’t understand most things about other people. He was...odd. He’d heard enough people call him it to begin to agree even if he didn’t see it in himself.

He realized he hadn't been listening again. He caught the end of Moomin’s words. “You’re going to kiss it every night?” He tried to control the upset way his eyebrows moved.

Moomin set the shell beside his leg. “Of course, I promised I would. You should have seen her face. She looked so happy. Snorkmaiden has such a pretty smile.”

Snufkin turned back to the water. He looked down the cliffside. “Gee, Moomin, you sure like Snorkmaiden.” He forced himself to say. He needed to hear Moomin say it. 

“Of course I like her. She’s my friend.”

Snufkin wondered if Moomin realized just how special that gift was. Moomin was naive in a lot of way and people feelings always left him confused. Snufkin wondered if he was ever obvious about how he felt for his friend. He looked at the shell. “May I see it?”

Moomin handed the shell over.

Snufkin looked at the shell. He saw his reflection in it and he looked bitter. He wiggled his face trying to look happier for his friend. “It’s beautiful.” He fought the urge to throw the shell off the cliffside. That would be rude and an awful thing to do to someone he loved. He handed it back instead.

Moomin nodded. A small smile crossed his face as he looked at the shell.

Snufkin stared at that smile. It always made him so happy to see it. Moomin had Spring rolled up inside him and a smile that could make flowers grow. Snufkin longed for that smile to be direct at him. He wondered if he could find a shell even better on the beach if he looked. Would Moomin kiss it goodnight if he asked him to? 

Words bubbled up in his throat. He wanted to say everything. He wanted to say exactly how he felt. He'd stumble, but he could do it. He wanted to tell Moomin that he was the best person he’d ever met and he came back to Moomin Valley every spring not for the valley, but for him. For one selfish moment, he wanted Moomin to be his.

But for the same reason that Moomin let him leave every Winter without a fight, Snufkin kept his feelings to himself. Moomin didn’t belong to him just like Snufkin didn’t belong to Moomin. Neither could be kept the way the other wanted. “I’m happy for you.” He said instead. He rested his hand on top of Moomin’s furry hand.

Moomin glanced down at their hands. His smile widened. “Thank you, Snufkin.” He turned his hand over and laced their fingers together. He looked back out at the ocean.

Snufkin held onto his fingers like it was the last time he'd ever get to do it. But the moment ended and Snufkin had to let go. “You’re welcome, Moomin.” He said and looked out into the sky. Moomin had been right. Maybe being a cloud would be better. Less stress. Less heartbreak. 

He leaned against him and Moomin welcomed him as always. Snufkin concentrated on the warmth of Moomin’s fur. The soft smell of tea and home.

Moomin scratched into Snufkin's scalp and Snufkin let himself purr freely. He could have this, even if it was just for a moment. 

**Author's Note:**

> This is one of five, guys. Buckle up. I hope you have your ticket ready. We're on a train ride to FEELadelphia.
> 
> This is only the first story in the series but let me know how if you like the story so far, I basically live off of comments.


End file.
